Saturday, August 18, 2007

I Had A Dream

No, it wasn't some Dr. Martin Luther King thang...

Last night I dreamed one of the funniest dreams I've dreamed in years.

First, the stage needs to be set. Jeff and Julie Montgomery have a large family by today's standards. They're raising a basketball team. A large brood. Three girls and two boys. Lots of funny stories about raising them.

Well, last night I dreamed they had another one. This would be baby number six. I guess he'd be the equipment manager.

We were in Jeff's front yard talkin' and jokin' when his newest baby (didn't have a name yet in the dream, even though the boy was about a year old) says, "I go boo-boo." Jeff checked the diaper, but there wasn't any evidence. "You didn't boo-boo." "I go boo-boo," replied the boy. Jeff checked it again, and the boy released a stream of kimchi gas straight up Jeff's nose.

"WHOA!" Jeff flinched like he'd been punched in the face. The next thing we knew, Mt. Saint Helens was erupting in the boy's shorts. Seriously, it was like the bubbling mud puddles at Mount Lassen. Geysers were shooting out of the leg holes and gurgling out of the waistband.

Something you have to know about Jeff is that he's a very resourceful parent. He told me that he once had a child throw up in church--something like a gallon of oatmeal and orange juice--and he cleaned it up with a church bulletin, a diaper bag, and baby wipes.

Well, out of nowhere, a 13 gallon kitchen trash bucket appeared--kinda' like out of a Looney Tunes cartoon with Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck--and he scooped up the diaper with the overflow straight into the bucket. Now, don't ask me why he worried about the mess, since it was on the grass in his front yard, and all he'd have to do is spray it off with a garden hose, but this is MY dream, not what Jeff would actually do.

When Jeff was done cleaning up the mess, he started on the baby boy with a miraculously appearing box of baby wipes. I probably would've sprayed the boy with a shot from the garden hose, but Jeff is a li'l more compassionate than that--and it's also a dream. Come to think of it, Jeff might've sprayed him with the garden hose, too...

As Jeff was wiping the boy down, tears were streaming down Jeff's face. It smelled truly bad. Kimchi gas. If you don't know what kimchi is, you're in for a treat. It's a Korean dish made with fermented cabbage. They take cabbage and bury it for a while, and then serve it on your plate. Ick.

So Jeff wiped the boy down and looked at him mournfully, saying "You make daddy cry."

I laughed so hard I woke up.

Usually when I wake up in the middle of the night, I'm bothered about it because I'm truly a man in need of beauty sleep. Not this time, even though I couldn't get back to sleep. No, I was too busy giggling. Man, I'm STILL giggling.

Maybe I should start a blog.


Jeff's Photo Blog said...

That is funny. I don't know why a trash can and a box of wipes magically appearing when I need them is so unreasonable. I have witnessed some Mt St Helens diapers in my time. The funniest diaper memory is Jenna and a really stinky diaper and when I took it loose to clean her up her nose wrinkled up and as she started smelling how bad the diaper was she started crying. I would have been crying too except i was laughing at Jenna.

Tammie's Thoughts said...

Hey man! I found youe blog through Jeff Montgomery's. I thought you were coming back for another week this summer. What happened to you? We missed you!

Rambling Psychoses said...

Heyyyy, Tammie!

I was already out there twice! LOL

I guess I shoulda' called...


Bluecanary said...

Nice dream

I rarely remember dreams but I do remember one from high school where we bought a car for $600 becaue the dealership was selling everything for that price. On the way home the road turned into a cartoon and it came off the ground as we drove over it, you know, like in a cartoon. Than a high heel flew out the window and I woke up. And I remember the car, we bought an 87 Olds Cutlass Supreme. Our family has never had one. I don't know where it came from.

I'll miss you at Harding this semester, but since I am only taking an online class, I guess I won't be there either. Take care and I hope to see you next time I am passing through.

Tammie's Thoughts said...

OK, Jeff, the point of a blog is to update it regularly so your friends you don't get to see you often or who you ignore when you come to town can keep up with's time for an update!

Rambling Psychoses said...

Tammie's Thoughts said...

OK, Jeff, the point of a blog is to update it regularly so your friends you don't get to see you often or who you ignore when you come to town can keep up with's time for an update!

Hah! My audience demands sustenance!
I will update soon. Promise. Heh.

Wait. I ignored someone when I came to town? Nuh, uh!

Angela said...

That is one funny dream!! Did you tell them about it?

Rambling Psychoses said...

Yeah, they made the first comment on the blog! (=^D

Carrie said...


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