Saturday, May 23, 2009

Drinkin' the Raider Nation Kool-Aid

I was in a rather raucous mood today, reading about my Oakland Raiders in the blogosphere and on UseNet and on the message boards--taking in all of the negative comments, flak and general flotsam and jetsam when I came upon a post asking for a positive take on the Raiders' offseason and chances for a winning season in 2009.

"Self," said I, "you need to write an exhortation to the Raider Nation, one that moves the Nation's faithful to positive digs and to break the chains of the oppressive mediots who only serve to drag us down."

So I sat down to write an exegesis of whimsy, an ode to the famous Raider Nation Preacher commercial a few years back. Here it T.I. IS:

"And comes the hour when the ENTIRE nation shall rise with one voice, exclaiming the praises of the victorious on the field, waxing eloquent in boisterous fashion, spying the multiple playoff wins of the vaunted Silver-and-Black and the vanquishing of its foes and getting to the task of relishing the Super Bowl trophies to come!

We are victorious!

We are champions!

We are the RAIDERS!!!!!!!

Where, oh death, is thy victory? Where, oh death, is thy sting?

We who have languished in the deserted wastelands of loss and losing seasons have seen the mountaintop. We have seen the river. We have seen the valley. We are well nigh upon the land of milk and honey! Let us cross, not with the trepidation of the fearful nor the weak, yet with the confidence and yea, the fearsomeness of true victors coming to claim our rightful place atop the league!

Let the church say amen, yes, and amen...

Hallelujah, Halle Berry, Hallelujah."

Yeah, I'm down with the sickness. That Raider Nation Kool-Aid beckons...


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